Writing the Voice Sketch

Today's topic addresses the approach we use for writing voice in fiction, and is a continuation of "What Is a Voice Poem." The pieces we cover in particular for this topic include Bobbie Ann Mason's "Shiloh" and Bernard Malamud's "Angel Levine."  The IFP Voice Sketch is a minimum of two pages double-spaced.

In my experience, one of the most difficult parts of writing a voice piece is finding a way to capture a unique voice without exaggerating that voice to the point of disbelief.  And the two pieces we read for class cut a very fine line here, managing to capture some of the extremes of local dialects without inflicting a cliche.  "Angel Levine," in particular, captures a wide of voices, from Manischevitz's colloquial "My dear God, sweatheart, did I deserve that this should happen to me?" to the very intellectual diction and tone of Levine's early speech: "It was given to me to understand that both your wife and you require assistance of a salubrious nature?"  Later in the story, in the synagogue in Harlem, Malumud exposes us to still more variations of dialect, from "Let's git on wid de commentary" to "On de face of de water moved de speerit.  An' dat was good.  It say so in de Book.  From de speerit ariz de man."

To understand what Malamud has done with voice here, we must consider the purpose of the story: we have a Jewish tailor confronted with a angel who happens to be Black.  And in the Harlem synagogue, we see Jewish gentlemen - each one Black - discussing the "immaterial substance" of the soul.  And this reveals that, regardless of dialect, an individual can discuss and believe in Manischevitz's Judaism.

The key here is that the diction may come from dialect, but the topics of discussion come from the needs of the characters.  And this is crucial.  Stories which are considered "cliche" or "overdone" often try to enforce voice at the expense of characterization.  As a veteran, I tend to notice this most when I'm reading stories with military personnel.  For example, you might read a conversation like this:

They'd been fighting for days. Private Joe was happy to get a few hours when he saw the Master Sergeant walking up with new orders. "Hey, Sarge," the private called. "What's cookin?"

The Master Sergeant whipped out her map.  "Our orders," she said, looking every man in the eye, "are to take this hilltop."

I know from experience that few soldiers actually speak like this.  (The term "sarge," especially, will earn a private in today's army a whole lot of push-ups...)  Another problem with this dialogue is the way it divides the private from "The Master Sergeant."  This examples gives the difference in rank between the two men as more of a matter of social class than of age and rank - it sounds almost as if they're from entirely different world's, culturally speaking.  Then we have the line of this sergeant "looking every man in the eye."  Yes, it sounds very steely-eyed-heroic, but not exactly realistic.

To truly capture the voice of these soldiers, we would need to see them as people first and soldier's second.  The best way to do this is to first zero-in on a single point-of-view (POV) character.  In the previous example, we have confusion about which character holds the true POV.  Private Joe gets the most POV exposure with "he was happy," but we have no idea what he thinks as the Master Sergeant is looking everyone in the eye.  If we really take on his point of view, we can get a stronger feel for how he and his buddies are actually feeling.

Joe watched Sims as she pulled out the map.  He didn't want to look at the paper again.  He didn't even need to, know - they'd fought back-and-forth across those hills for so many days that he could have sketched the ridge in the sand with his eyes closed.

Note that we've dropped most of the "army" jargon - now it's just two people looking over a map.  But we can feel the grit of this situation much better - Joe is tired, he's been fighting a lot, and he already knows his job.

Point-of-view established, we can now move on to developing this POV to reveal the voices of other characters:

Sims flicked her eyes up from the map to meet Joe's gaze.  She seemed so small, for a moment, hunched forward under the weight of all that Kevlar, but then she straightened.  She brought up her carbine and clunked the weapon down over the edge of the map as a paperweight.  She cast her eyes over the rest of the men.  She looked angry and tired, as usual.

"Our orders," she said, "are to take this hilltop."

The emphasis here is still on the people.  Without the weight of ranks and steely-eyed looks, we can see this sergeant as she really is - tired and angry.  And it sets up some good tension for later.  Why, if she's so unhappy, is she now a Master Sergeant?  Does she really want to take this hilltop, or is she literally just following orders?

Note that we've introduced some military jargon here, but it's not the cliche jargon of a John Wayne movie - instead we see some of the equipment that these soldiers would use and carry every day.  To them, this stuff is as familiar as air.  For minimalist fiction, just mentioning these words might be enough, but I recommend providing enough explanation that all readers would understand what these objects actually represent.  Here, it might help to know that Kevlar is the polymer used in military body armor, and hence a common nickname for the armor itself.  A carbine is a shorter version of an M-16 - the kind of weapon everyone now recognizes from movies and popular culture.  But do we really need to be told these things?  Depends on the audience, really.  Think about whether this knowledge would have helped you understand the short piece a little better, and then try to keep in mind which of your own references your readers might not know at first.

As always, please feel free to reply or e-mail with any questions or comments.

Happy Writing,
Ryan

1-2-Writing Workshops Online

Links to Literary Terms

I had a very good question today about how to know which terms to identify.  Given the snow, we haven't gone over as many of the literary terms and techniques as I would have liked, so I've included a list here of useful websites for literary terms.  As the semester progresses, I will focus in on the literary terms which I find the most important, but you may discover that additional terms are needed to describe the works from The Hopkins Review.

Ten Essential Poetic Techniques from a Middle School Lesson Plan

It's likely you're already familiar with these terms, but it's a good idea to review these.  Good definitions and examples are provided for Simile, Metaphor, Personification, Hyperbole, Alliteration, Assonance, Consonance, Onomatopoeia, Repetition, and Rhyme (Internal Rhyme and End Rhyme).

"Poetry Techniques and Lyric Lesson" by Kellie Hayden

McGraw-Hill offers some very complete lists literary terms.  I recommend reading over the poetry glossary for Friday's essay, and then referring to the other glossaries throughout the course.

Poetry Glossary

Fiction Glossary 

Drama Glossary (note that many of these terms are applicable to fiction and poetry)

Complete McGraw-Hill Glossary

Poets.org provides an overview of the different kinds of poems (the large-scale forms which encompass regular patterns of meter, rhyme, and stanza lengths) along with their own glossary of poetic terms.

Poetic Forms
Glossary of Poetic Terms

The University of Richmond Writing Center also provides a list of 32 general terms applicable to both poetry and fiction:
"A List of Important Literary Terms"

If you have any questions about specific literary terms or their applicability to a given work, please let me know.

Have a good day,
Ryan

1-2-Writing Workshops Online

Hopkins Review Essay: Evaluating Poetry

This article provides tips and grading information for IFP Essay 1 - Analyzing a Poem.  The poems to be analyzed are from The Hopkins Review - Winter 2010 - New Series 3.1.  For more information on publication and subscriptions, please visit the Hopkins University Press.

For Introduction to Fiction and Poetry, most sections assign the two Hopkins Review essays to be turned in at the end of the course as part of the portfolio.  For Section 10 (Ryan Edel's Section), the two essays are due earlier in the semester, and you may submit revised essays with the portfolio to improve your grade.  The grading rubric provided is one I have developed specifically for my section - please check with your instructor regarding the grading and expectations for your section.

The Hopkins Review essays mark an important departure in the course from our regular focus on writing creatively.  Although the essays may require more research than the poems you've submitted thus far and a bit of a closer analysis than our in-class readings, they should be something to worry you.  I grade the essays on a relatively simple rubric - by following the rubric and the simple tips, you will be able to write a quality essay which reveals important aspects of both the work evaluated and poetry in general.

I have divided the essay grading into five components for a total of thirteen points:

2pts - Summary of Details
2pts - Identification of Literary Techniques
3pts - Analysis of the Literary Techniques
3pts - Evaluation of their Effectiveness
3pts - Discussion of the Poem's Role in Literature

Based on how well you fulfill each of these areas of the assignment, grades are given as follows:

13 - A+
12 - A
11 - A- (and so on - each point corresponds to a third of a letter grade)

Something I would like each of you to keep in mind is that the best essays will integrate the five key areas together throughout the essay.  First, start with a good introductory paragraph or two.  Let us know what the poem is about in a sentence or two (Summary), Identify the key techniques in the poem, and then very briefly tell us what your essay will show (think of this as an abstract for the Analysis, Evaluation, and Discussion).

After the introduction, I'd like to see each paragraph Identify a literary technique, provide a Summary of details showing where this technique occurs, and then Analysis of how this technique functions within the poem.  Then, either in that same paragraph or the next one following, Evaluate how well the technique works.  Did the author write an effective metaphor, or was the imagery overbearing?  It is important that you support your assertions with good quotes (Summary) and Analysis.

As you write, maintain a balance throughout the essay.  I have read essays where there is so much Summary that we have no room for real Analysis or Evaluation, and other essays where a very strong Evaluation (either exceptionally negative or completely positive) is unsupported by details from the poem itself.  What I'd like to see is a coherent whole - I want to know that you've read the poem, you considered what the poem is trying to do, and you've told us how well the poem does it.

At the end of your essay, I'd like to see a conclusion which briefly mentions what you've shown about the poem.  Then Evaluate the poem as a whole.  Is it a good poem, or does it need a lot of work?  Is the author's intent clear?  Do we feel satisfied after reading it?  Then, Discuss the poem's role in the canon of literature.  Is it a narrative poem?  Then tell us how it either supports or changes our views of narrative.  Does this poem reveal a greater truth about life?  What is that truth.  Is it something that we can easily understand?  Is it something that people often experience and rarely talk about, or is it something so banal that you would have preferred not to see a poem written for this topic?  Typically, a conclusion may require a whole paragraph for Evaluation, or perhaps a whole paragraph for Discussion.  Do keep in mind that the bulk of your Discussion points will come from this area of the essay, so it's better to go a little long if you need the space to develop your point.

About the the Essay Length and Deadlines:

The minimum essay length is three pages, double-spaced, maximum 1.25" margins on the sides and 1" margins top-and-bottom.  Regardless of essay length, use 12-pt font.  For my section, you may submit more than three pages.  It is certainly possible to submit an A-paper in three pages, and I encourage everyone to aim for this.  However, if you find that there is simply too much to write about, feel free to submit up to five and six pages.  If you think you might go past six pages, please notify me in advance so we can discuss the focus of your essay.  And please note: I cannot give extra credit for a longer essay, but I may take off points for a late essay.  It's better to turn in a rough draft on-time and then ask for an extension than it is to turn in a perfect essay after the deadline.

As always, I welcome comments and questions, and this is particularly true for the literary essays.  If you'd like more on how I view literary essays in the creative writing classroom, please see my article "Teaching the Literary Essay."

Happy Essay Writing,
Ryan

1-2-Writing Workshops Online

What is a Setting Poem?

Today's discussion will focus on Philip Larkin's "Church Going" and  Yusef Komunyakaa's "Sunday Afternoons" (Magic City version).

Before I discuss the specifics of setting poems, I'd like to introduce a major concept in poetry which is often overlooked when trying to categorize poems.  Essentially, any poem has elements of every poem.  For example, in Bishop's "In the Waiting Room," it's a narrative poem, but we have the elements of a child-like voice and the setting details surrounding her narrative.  In Larkin's "Church Going," we have a similar effect, but it's a setting poem because the narrative is somewhat less important, but we still have some elements of narrative along with the voice of a man who's detached from religion and church in general.

Komunyakaa's "Sunday Afternoons" takes this a step further.  In "Sunday Afternoons," we have a strong narrative movement - the poem starts with the children being sent out to the yard, it reflects back on the family events surrounding this, and then comes back in the end to that last view of the house: "If I held my right hand above my eyes..."  The events are generalized to reveal the pattern of Sundays rather than just a single Sunday, but there is a story being told.  The voice, too, is exceptionally strong.  Phrases like "we were drunk & brave" and "Where did we learn to be unkind...?" reveal the narrator's older perspective looking back on a younger time.

"Sunday Afternoons" is considered a setting poem not due to a lack of narrative or voice, but because the setting is the dominant element in this poem of setting, narrative, and voice.  From the first line, "They'd latch the screendoors / & pull venetian blinds,"  the narrative in this poem is driven by these setting details.  The sense of formless anger is revealed through "Speckled eggs, blue as rage," and "...gospel on the radio, / Loud as shattered glass."  The voice, too - the character's sense of realization - comes out through metaphors drawn from the setting: "The backyard trees breathed / Like a man running from himself."

As you write your own setting poems, I'd like you to bear in mind this idea of combined forms.  Often, the temptation in writing a poem like this would be to start and end with the setting.  For example, I could write a poem about my childhood room that would go something like this:

Desk so cluttered
there was no desk.
The lamp was a spindled island
of aluminum
and light.

It's a nice image, yes, but this short poem goes little farther than that.  The idea of an "island of aluminum and light" seems to imply something, but it's impossible to say what.  Is this a commentary on childhood?  Or maybe regret due a lack of clerical organization?  Let's expand this to see if we can't develop something further:

They told me
to clean my desk.
Out my stuff would go:
the papers, the cheap sci fi pulps,
that beanie green turtle thing from Shelley at Christmas.
The black bag waited,
plastic and Hefty,
thirty-gallon maw
of hunger.

"You need space to work,"
they said,
pointing to the lamp,
that spindled island
of aluminum
and light.

Right away, this poem develops a great deal more tension (granted it has more lines to work with - this helps).  We have "they" in that first line - a very malevolent presence in this poem.  The Hefty bag represents a "thirty gallon maw / of hunger."  There's a kind of narrative tension here - the narrator versus "them" and "their Hefty bag," but we don't know from where exactly this tension arises.  The setting has established the situation, and it's given us elements of voice in the line of "Out my stuff would go."  There's a sense of resignation here, with the possibility of resistance, but it's uncertain.  If we wanted to pick it apart, we could say that "would" implies an older voice looking back, whereas using "will" could have given the sense of a child facing the Hefty bag here-and-now.

But let's not go that far today.  Instead, I'd like you to focus on what it is you'll write about.  The real problem with setting poems is that they are very rarely about the setting.  "Church Going" uses churches and their decay to reveal a larger truth about human society.  "Sunday Afternoons" uses the house and the yard to reveal a complicated family situation.  For your setting poems, I'd like you to do something similar.  Find a story or a truth from life that you'd like to explore (and it doesn't need to be from your own life by any means).  Think about a place to reveal this truth (if it's a story, just consider where it happened).  Write a list of the setting details from this place.  Consider how each one reveals the tension of the story/situation.  And from there, write your setting images to reveal the narrative and the voice together.

Please feel free to post questions below or send me an e-mail.

Happy Writing,
Ryan

1-2-Writing Workshops Online

What is a Voice Poem?

At its heart, a voice poem is about this nebulous term we know as "voice."  The easiest way I've found to think of this is to imagine the voices of people I've met and picking apart the interesting differences that come out.  Unfortunately, this can be harder than it sounds - most of the people we know and hang out with speak the same way we do.  They are interested in the same topics, and they often hold the same views and opinions.  And this is somewhat natural.  Just think about chemistry: we're kinda the lipids in olive oil doing our best to avoid the wrong-headed vinegar peeps in our lives.

When I think of voice, I have to picture the people I've met who wouldn't have normally become close friends of mine.  And I've been fortunate - in the military, I met Americans from all walks of life, including many who were born overseas and then decided to enlist.  Yet their voices were distinctly different from the people I've met while traveling in Germany, and they are vastly different from the voice of my girlfriend, who grew up in Thailand and has only lived in the U.S. for a short time.

To a large degree, the different "voices" I hear in reference these friends are usually a product of accent.  But we need to go deeper than mere accent - deeper even than common phrases.  For example, while on R&R from Afghanistan (in 2005), I went to Germany.  One conversation I had was with a student visiting the Cologne Cathedral.  We talked for a bit about me being an American tourist, about the upcoming visit of Pope Benedict, and a bit about her thoughts on World Youth Day.  But then she asked what I did for a living - I told her I was "a soldier in the most popular army in the world" (and I said this in German).  And that killed the conversation.

As you can imagine, the American Army was not very popular in Europe at the height of the Iraq War.  And the way the girl fell silent would be an essential element of her voice if we were to write a poem from her perspective regarding the war.  It might go something like this:

I met a soldier
American.
He seemed nice,
but he would, wouldn't he?
All Americans do.

There's just a touch of sarcasm, and a large degree of disinterest.  It wouldn't be that this voice hates Americans or even the war - this voice doesn't really care to think much about them.  They only "seem" nice.

Compare to if we were to switch voices to the American perspective - same situation, same event, different voice:

I met a girl today,
German.
Cute,
long hair,
pretty.

Never should have said
who I am.

You see right away that the speaker here has very different intentions - he's hoping for something.  But then it changes - there's this loneliness at the end, something we don't expect from someone hitting on a girl, especially not from this image we might have of "the soldier on leave."

Something important to note is the way a voice poem can be nuanced.  In the second poem, I pointed out the two differing feelings affecting the narrator.  We have some of this in the first poem as well, but it isn't as strong.  The female narrator is not exploring her own feelings much, and that, too, is a product of voice.  To this narrator, this isn't a scene isn't worth evaluating - she met someone not worth meeting.  It won't change her life.  If we wanted a poem where this meeting would change her life, we'd have to change the voice somewhat:

I have heard
that the Americans
want only oil.

Why, then, do they smile?
Say "Hello"
like they mean it?

Should I worry?

 Again - same situation.  Friendly, smiling American meets a German girl who doesn't want to talk with him.  But now we have a different take, and the voice is different.  This female narrator isn't dismissive - she's concerned.  Wary.  It changes the tone a great deal.

Now that we have these three examples, I'd like you to notice that the language is relatively unchanged from poem-to-poem.  They are written in a very flat, colloquial English.  But this makes sense - each one is written in my own personal style, with little variation between them.  The language is not the critical component of voice in a voice poem.  If anything, a flatter style can allow the voice to come through more clearly.  Let's turn back to our happy American - what if wrote in an "Army" style?

So I met this chick
out on leave.

Real nice girl.

Shoulda never told her
what I do.

In this poem, there's no hint of loneliness - this narrator only wants something, and he's disappointed that he didn't get it.  Lonely, though?  Doesn't sound like it.  The way he talks about the girl - "this chick" and "real nice girl" - shows that he's pretty much dismissed her intellectually.  And this is important - it reveals his voice.  It's the same poem as before, but the changing language has radically altered the meaning.

I hope this helps clarify what voice poems are and how they work.  As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to e-mail or leave a comment below.

Ryan

1-2-Writing Workshops Online